I sometimes get incredibly weary about the Catch 22 to which doctors and medical students are treated. An INCREDIBLY tense and stressful load is placed upon us, requiring us to shut ourselves off in the interests of completing the tasks and self-preservation. We then get ridiculed for being withdrawn and inhumane and are instructed to be more personable and expected to function socially in the same manner as someone with half the work load. In many cases people are forced to be superfluous to our existence, but our existence IS people--our patients! My fellow students are only so much help because I am embarrassed to be associated with many of them, and we see so much of each other anyway. Just get away from me. I want somebody who doesn't remind me of school.
It can be incredibly isolating, and it seems like no matter what you do you're pissing off somebody. It's draining and sometimes more than I want to take. It sounds like whining, I know. Sometimes it just gets to be so much that even something as benign and useless as a dumbass posting on an internet forum hurts your feelings or makes you angry. It's the stupidest thing in the world to get upset about, but it's easier to get mad at something trivial because there's little consequence--I believe the term is displacement. Case in point, I simply do not appreciate being told I'm wrong about something I wasn't even discussing. Ordinarily I would just laugh and move on, because I'm a nameless and faceless individual on the forum, as is the boob who apparently didn't get my point. But right now I just want somebody to understand me, dammit. I thought I was using only factual information--because God forbid your opinion actually mean something--and attempted to rephrase my position, but that only made it worse. Although, on the flipside, if some of what I've posted on a stupid thread about the Las Vegas airport and gambling towns is the most questionable thing someone has ever read, I am tempted to question how widely a user reads...
And right now I feel like a lot of people know WHAT I'm doing, but they understand very little about it. I'm tired of doing nothing but reading. I'm tired of giving up everything for nothing. I am just plain tired of being tired. I am tired of being asked the same stupid questions, and my parents are the worst offenders:
"What'd you study today?" -- Waterhouse-Friderichsen Syndrome and thiazolidinediones Mom, ever heard of 'em? Yeah me neither...
"Are you getting enough done?" -- well I wasn't aware of it until you pointed it out for the second time today. I'm stressed to the max and now I have to be reminded I'm running behind, thankyousomuch.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"-- Yes! SHUT.UP! STOP IT! Stop walking around me like I'm on eggshells or a piece of fragile glass that is going to break. Stop reminding me that I'm studying and have a test coming up soon. Like I could forget? I set the date. I paid almost one thousand dollars to register for it. I'm well aware! Stop asking me what happens after this! The answer hasn't changed, because THIS hasn't happened yet! I have been asked the same five bloody questions for the past four months...and the never NEVER changes. How hard is it to grasp "When I know something, I'LL EFFING TELL YOU!" Even more frustrating is I am obliged to dumb down my answers (remember, they are always the same) because very few people even understand enough to know what I'm studying, much less what it means. The fact that it's not really something they should know doesn't make it any less annoying. Rattle off the generic of something as ubiquitous as Tylenol or the clinical term for high blood pressure and many people either look at you either like you've lapsed into Swedish or they think you're trying to make them look stupid by using big words. Sorry, I didn't make up the word! I'm just responsible for knowing what it means...
And most of all...I'm so annoyed that I cannot even see straight over the fact that Hallmark Channel has taken The Golden Girls off the air completely until January. I have watched The Golden Girls as I fall asleep for over a decade...This is totally screwing with my mojo.
Was that whiney enough for every body? Right now I'm three years old.
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