Friday, October 1, 2010

Try a Little Bitterness...

The title of this post is a bit of a play on words on the song "Try a Little Tenderness," for those who care. I've noticed--and it certainly has been pointed out to me--that I've been incredibly touchy/quick/short/irritable/crabby/cantankerous and just downright unpleasant the past week or so. I'm somewhat sorry to be taking out my frustrations on others, even if they are only a very small part of it. Sorry, but as much as you love them, your friends can irritate the hell out of you. On the flipside I'm not sorry because I'm done bottling all of my emotions. It's unhealthy and stressful. With three of them it's downright aggravation and lack of any more capacity for an ongoing situation that just reeks of a sixth-grade mentality. With another it's more of a reflection of my general state of pessimism, unfortunately. When you're already aggravated the "flaws" you normally overlook in people because you see the bigger picture just irritate you simply because you're irritated. Is there a manual to this machine??? Do I kill the chicken or shatter the egg????!?!?

While we're being honest and reflective...I would have to be completely transparent and say my overall bad mood is probably twofold in cause: 1) a nasty case of loneliness and 2) stagnation. Despite it being second on the list, let's address stagnation first. It's my blog if I want to be inconsistent I shall! Being here in Dominica is like watching the flight you were ticketed on depart from the gate without you on it. We have to deal with emotions and feel like that much more so than students not stuck on an island. Dear God please let the 89 days go quickly. I feel like I can't do anything with my life while I'm here. Most of the people I care about/am interested/want to be around/want to be with are all back in the states. Yeah you make some friends here, but then you go back to the states with no promise them again because the schedules and locations of your rotations might vary. On top of that you see them every day, so you don't necessarily miss them. I probably will in the future when I don't see them, but that is not causing the problem. It just feels like we're in limbo here, and people at home are just as busy and just as slammed, but they don't feel nearly as isolated.

Case 1, well, let's just say some of the most concrete steps I've ever made were taken toward amending that particular problem. I had a great time over break thanks to a certain one or two individuals. That's all on that.

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