More sensationalist drivel from TIME. Honestly folks, SH*T happens, has always happened, and will continue to happen. The 2000's were no worse than any other decade in history. We've just become more wired and are able to read about it NONSTOP 24/7 and THEN we get to discuss it. In thirty seconds I can pull up the news of the day for March 16, 1998 (totally random date). And then I can read a bunch of self serving analyses about it! If I really wanted to I could in about a day's time probably come up with a similar story for every decade of the past two centuries based on written reports alone. Sounds like TIME needed a filler story.
Technology has done a lot of good things for us, but for some reason it has deactivated our ability to take things in stride and realize there is a bigger picture and it's not all the time me me me, now now now I want my cookie, I want my Xbox, I want my Escalade. People have become incredibly short-sighted, childish, coddled, and frankly, idiotic -- WORLD OVER!
Everywhere we go we're bombarded by idiots like Katie Couric, Rush Limbaugh, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Jerry Farwell, and their cronies telling us their half informed deluded and self-serving opinions. Before people had to actually seek information and the truth. Now it's obliterated by episodes of American Idol and 24/7 sports networks.
If you really think the 2000s were just terrible you obviously are very short-sighted, didn't pay attention in history class, or let the 90's delude you.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Happy Turkey Day...and other ramblings...
So, who's not thinking about Christmas right? It's amazing that literally as soon as the plates are cleared from Thanksgiving dinner our thoughts turn to Christmas. Call me a Thanksgiving Scrooge but I've never been a huge fan of Thanksgiving. Maybe I'm callused, I don't know. Turkey's never been one of my favorite foods (at least non-deli sliced turkey), and there just doesn't seem to be any buildup, anticipation, or sort of frivolity associated with Thanksgiving that I've always associated with Christmas. Maybe Christmas just has more meaning to me, too.
Thanksgiving came and went this year and I really didn't find myself missing anything. Actually it came twice, as I celebrated Thanksgiving with my Canuck friends as well in October. They both were about equally exciting to me -- in other words let's eat and then get back to studying. Thanksgiving to me means cold weather (relative to Georgia, that is), cousins, and football. We had football, and it wasn't a game I was even remotely interested in. I mean really, why broadcast the Lions EVERY stinkin' year. I am very much looking forward to Christmas, however.
With Thanksgiving over all the associated things were there. The James Bond marathon. The Grinch. The Home Alone 1, 2, through 63 reruns. And HOOK!! Side note: What would the world be like without Captain Hook? I always associate these movies with Christmas (some of them are no-brainers). It's analogous to Halloween and Hocus Pocus. Now, many of these movies are made for children, but as I was a child especially when the Home Alones came out they'll probably never get old to me! Even the Third one is amazing, and I don't care what you say about it! It's amazing...and we'll leave it at that.
Don't even get me started on the blown pass in the last 90s of the Georgia v. Georgia Tech game. I sat there and watched the blasted ball fall out of the schmuck's hands! (Yes I know what a schmuck is and believe me it's appropriate here!). There were down by six, and the receiver in between the 30 and 40. If he had caught that pass in all likelihood Tech would have won the game. I'd love to be happy for UGA but jeez SEC fans are so freakin' obnoxious and it doesn't help that all the dumb people pull for them. Not many dumb people pull for the ACC.... What does that say about my social prejudices, lol. Let me also say that people who can't leave the game when they turn the TV off are SAD!!!!! I grew up in the South, so these people are frequent, and unfortunately they are on both sides (more on the SEC side but whatever). Sports become a religion and their world revolves around how their team did. It's really annoying and pitiful. Ok, enough about that!
Is wrong to really looking forward to be able to dress in clothes that don't make me look like a slob????? T-shirts and shorts all the time, I feel like an undergrad, which I am most decidedly not! I enjoyed being able to actually dress like I had an ounce of self respect while I was working. Here, forget it. Polos don't breathe very well, and jeans, well I don't even contemplate wearing jeans if the sun is up. I like wearing jackets, nice shirts, clothes that present me as somebody who takes himself seriously.
I would love to have some little insights in Dominican culture, but I just don't have any revelations into that yet. I'm looking for signs, and I just don't see anything that's unique. I'm in the frustrated stage. I was around for Dominican Independence Day but they really didn't seem to do anything they don't already do. All I see is people sitting around carryin' on. Um, can you say front porch evenings? I grew up on that. That's nothing special to me about that. What did they do? They went out on the streets and danced and then stood around for a few hours. Well guess what, minus the dancing that's what they do every day anyway. It's really annoying. Do people work? Yes, but many of them act like petulant children being made to clean their rooms when at work. At first it makes you feel like you're imposing to ask for your lunch...That doesn't last long because you eventually see that they want to act like children no matter whom they're serving.
Below is an excerpt from a blog I read sometimes. The blogger's post was in response to this quote, but I just was flabbergasted when I read it so I have to include it in my own!
“In conservative countries like Saudi Arabia, this blessed kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which, Allah be praised, is the most conservative in the Muslim world, in which a woman maintains her honor, decency, and modesty, and she does not reveal anything – not her hands, her face, or anything – how can she drive a car? Those who call to allow women to drive – according to what has been written – can be divided into two groups. The first group includes Westernized people, who want to westernize the society, to tell the truth. They want to destroy society, corrupt it, and drag it down into the depths of decay and permissiveness, like in Western societies. These people have been blinded by what they saw there when they studied or visited there, and they want our society to be like other societies. They want it to be devoid of all values, morals, and modesty. They want women to go out on the streets all made up, like a harlot, with her face uncovered, like they see in the West. They think that the shortest and best way to reach this goal is to allow women to drive, because if a woman drives, she will reveal her face, drive without a male chaperone, will have an easy opportunity to meet all kinds of young men and women, and she will get all made up, will mix with men, and so on. I don’t think that any woman throughout human history has been as oppressed as the Western woman today – and they still claim they have given her freedom. They took her out of the home in order to exploit her - to exploit her honor and dignity. Furthermore, in many countries, her salary is lower than the man’s, but she works more than him. She does not get what she wants unless she sacrifices her honor, to her bosses or her co-workers. How strange! Even though they have permissiveness there, and any man can satisfy his desires outside of marriage, he’s not satisfied with ten or twenty. Any girl he sees, who has certain features, he wants. If she consents, fine. If not, he rapes her. “
Do what??????? *insert picture of my jaw hitting the floor* This is a response to the question of why women in Saudi Arabia shouldn't be allowed to drive. Never mind that the response opens up with a MASSIVE run-on sentence, the answer completely circumvents the question!!!!!! I'll readily admit there is too much religious influence in the GOP but at the very least we don't have our entire or even a plurality of the US government run by people who spew drivel like this!!!
Well, I guess that's all I've got time for at the moment. I wish I had more time to write insightful, well thought out, cohesive posts but as it is I just basically have time to put my thoughts down in a hodgepodge fashion. I'll work on the flow for the future!
Thanksgiving came and went this year and I really didn't find myself missing anything. Actually it came twice, as I celebrated Thanksgiving with my Canuck friends as well in October. They both were about equally exciting to me -- in other words let's eat and then get back to studying. Thanksgiving to me means cold weather (relative to Georgia, that is), cousins, and football. We had football, and it wasn't a game I was even remotely interested in. I mean really, why broadcast the Lions EVERY stinkin' year. I am very much looking forward to Christmas, however.
With Thanksgiving over all the associated things were there. The James Bond marathon. The Grinch. The Home Alone 1, 2, through 63 reruns. And HOOK!! Side note: What would the world be like without Captain Hook? I always associate these movies with Christmas (some of them are no-brainers). It's analogous to Halloween and Hocus Pocus. Now, many of these movies are made for children, but as I was a child especially when the Home Alones came out they'll probably never get old to me! Even the Third one is amazing, and I don't care what you say about it! It's amazing...and we'll leave it at that.
Don't even get me started on the blown pass in the last 90s of the Georgia v. Georgia Tech game. I sat there and watched the blasted ball fall out of the schmuck's hands! (Yes I know what a schmuck is and believe me it's appropriate here!). There were down by six, and the receiver in between the 30 and 40. If he had caught that pass in all likelihood Tech would have won the game. I'd love to be happy for UGA but jeez SEC fans are so freakin' obnoxious and it doesn't help that all the dumb people pull for them. Not many dumb people pull for the ACC.... What does that say about my social prejudices, lol. Let me also say that people who can't leave the game when they turn the TV off are SAD!!!!! I grew up in the South, so these people are frequent, and unfortunately they are on both sides (more on the SEC side but whatever). Sports become a religion and their world revolves around how their team did. It's really annoying and pitiful. Ok, enough about that!
Is wrong to really looking forward to be able to dress in clothes that don't make me look like a slob????? T-shirts and shorts all the time, I feel like an undergrad, which I am most decidedly not! I enjoyed being able to actually dress like I had an ounce of self respect while I was working. Here, forget it. Polos don't breathe very well, and jeans, well I don't even contemplate wearing jeans if the sun is up. I like wearing jackets, nice shirts, clothes that present me as somebody who takes himself seriously.
I would love to have some little insights in Dominican culture, but I just don't have any revelations into that yet. I'm looking for signs, and I just don't see anything that's unique. I'm in the frustrated stage. I was around for Dominican Independence Day but they really didn't seem to do anything they don't already do. All I see is people sitting around carryin' on. Um, can you say front porch evenings? I grew up on that. That's nothing special to me about that. What did they do? They went out on the streets and danced and then stood around for a few hours. Well guess what, minus the dancing that's what they do every day anyway. It's really annoying. Do people work? Yes, but many of them act like petulant children being made to clean their rooms when at work. At first it makes you feel like you're imposing to ask for your lunch...That doesn't last long because you eventually see that they want to act like children no matter whom they're serving.
Below is an excerpt from a blog I read sometimes. The blogger's post was in response to this quote, but I just was flabbergasted when I read it so I have to include it in my own!
“In conservative countries like Saudi Arabia, this blessed kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which, Allah be praised, is the most conservative in the Muslim world, in which a woman maintains her honor, decency, and modesty, and she does not reveal anything – not her hands, her face, or anything – how can she drive a car? Those who call to allow women to drive – according to what has been written – can be divided into two groups. The first group includes Westernized people, who want to westernize the society, to tell the truth. They want to destroy society, corrupt it, and drag it down into the depths of decay and permissiveness, like in Western societies. These people have been blinded by what they saw there when they studied or visited there, and they want our society to be like other societies. They want it to be devoid of all values, morals, and modesty. They want women to go out on the streets all made up, like a harlot, with her face uncovered, like they see in the West. They think that the shortest and best way to reach this goal is to allow women to drive, because if a woman drives, she will reveal her face, drive without a male chaperone, will have an easy opportunity to meet all kinds of young men and women, and she will get all made up, will mix with men, and so on. I don’t think that any woman throughout human history has been as oppressed as the Western woman today – and they still claim they have given her freedom. They took her out of the home in order to exploit her - to exploit her honor and dignity. Furthermore, in many countries, her salary is lower than the man’s, but she works more than him. She does not get what she wants unless she sacrifices her honor, to her bosses or her co-workers. How strange! Even though they have permissiveness there, and any man can satisfy his desires outside of marriage, he’s not satisfied with ten or twenty. Any girl he sees, who has certain features, he wants. If she consents, fine. If not, he rapes her. “
Do what??????? *insert picture of my jaw hitting the floor* This is a response to the question of why women in Saudi Arabia shouldn't be allowed to drive. Never mind that the response opens up with a MASSIVE run-on sentence, the answer completely circumvents the question!!!!!! I'll readily admit there is too much religious influence in the GOP but at the very least we don't have our entire or even a plurality of the US government run by people who spew drivel like this!!!
Well, I guess that's all I've got time for at the moment. I wish I had more time to write insightful, well thought out, cohesive posts but as it is I just basically have time to put my thoughts down in a hodgepodge fashion. I'll work on the flow for the future!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Little friend greeting me as I get home...
I got back to my apartment tonight and went into my bedroom. Right after I turned on the light I noticed something frantically scurrying across the wall. I freaked for a second, thinking it was a centipede (vile, evil little cretins). I looked up to see that it was just a gecko. Whew! Ok, you must be asking why am I freaking out about a centipede?? Well, to be frank, THEY STING! A friend of mine was bitten just the day before yesterday. And it hurts! And they're aggressive. Sometimes the spawn of Satan will chase you down (the larger ones anyway). So, back to the Geiko gecko...It scurried behind my AC unit and I haven't seen it since. A rational person would say, well, dummy, it's still behind the AC unit. AHA, you'd be wrong! I looked with a flashlight and the little bugger is nowhere to be found! Honestly I don't mind that he's there. One fewer ant for me to worry about. Here's a picture of a gecko at a friend's apartment, since this little fella was too quick for me to snap a picture of him!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
bladdy blah...
That's how I feel! I've been rather tired for about three days in a row. I've been sleeping a fair amount, though, so I'm pretty sure the tiredness is the normal end-of-the-semester wind down that I've experienced since the beginning of undergrad. When tired, of course, certain things (and people) tend to irritate me A LOT more: superfluous talking, people who stand in the middle of sidewalks and don't get out of the way, idiots who don't know what they want when they get to the counter because they're too busy blabbing about the color of their toenails.... At the moment the focus of my aggravation has been the I-don't-give-a-rip attitude of the Dominican worker. Sadly the worst offenders are the Subway workers! It's like they're doing you a huge favor. Sorry lady, you're not doing me a life-saving favor by fixing that sandwich for me, I can very easily eat somewhere else. I saw one lady insult and just being flat-out rude to the three people in line in front of me and when I said I didn't want a combo and she said "cheap" under her breath, that was it. I got my card back, took my sandwich, and said, "It's generally considered rude to insult your customers when they can hear you..." She said "I beg your pardon" in the sense that she couldn't hear me, but I had said what I wanted to say, and she was going to be too dense to try to make a point with, so I just walked out the door...I won't be patronizing Subway if she's there... Give me my sandwich and I'll leave you alone so you can go about sulking about having to work. Honestly, what else are you going to do??? There's nothing to do on this island! AHHHH, rant!!! That's not always true because there are plenty of nice people who at least pretend they want to help you. I'm going to have to chalk it up to differences in upbringing because otherwise it just makes me mad!
Today it's official, just one month until I'm back in the States, and I think it's going to go FAST. Think about it. Three tests and a final between now and then, yikes!
Today it's official, just one month until I'm back in the States, and I think it's going to go FAST. Think about it. Three tests and a final between now and then, yikes!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Reflections...
Lately as I've been stalking on Facebook and just talking with random friends I've noticed a "longing" -- for lack of a better word -- for the "undergrad days" or "undergraduate fun". I haven't felt that AT ALL since I graduated in May 2008. I wonder if that's weird? I mean, there are reasons, I think, why I feel this way, and the biggest one I think is that several of the friendships that I thought were solid, good friendships seemingly dissolved in the span of a week. Unfortunately that week was ACS New Orleans, which was supposed to be a good time! I hated it, and had a lousy time. That's really unfortunate because my other conference experiences were fantastic. Now that time has provided some perspective, I can talk about without some anger. I also sit there and ask, um, OK, so you want to be without money and would you really be happy with an endless repeat of class, test, drink, class test, drink...I don't about you, but that got old after about two or three repeats...
Junior year of college was AMAZING. I pretty much enjoyed every minute of it. I loved all my classes, research, and just thoroughly enjoyed it. The group of people I was around at the time all got along rather well, and we spent time together outside of class. A lot of us went to Germany that summer as well. We get back to school however and the mood had changed. Wanting the "Summer of Love" to continue I was looking forward to the year. Turns out that maybe we had been overexposed. It took a few months for it all to sink in, and I was probably distracted by the fact that I spent most of my time after ACS Boston getting ready for Armenia (which was fantastic, see my blog about that!). Had I not been involved in that it probably would have happened before Christmas. Some of it also involved someone that I wanted to maybe be more than friends with...so infatuation may also have occluded reality (since of course that never happens).
Then basically January to March just SUCKED!
I get back from a great time in Armenia, and back to classes, but something just didn't seem the same. It felt really awkward. Looking back I think the biggest change was me, and that I had begun moving in a new direction, but I hadn't fully realized that moving forward is much better than moving backward, and that my new directions didn't necessarily mean I could keep old ones. Due to that I felt really isolated and alone. Just to make the story better was the situation with my roommate. There was no ugliness, no bad blood, or anything like what is often seen between roommates. Up until then we hung out a lot in the evenings, which was great for me because it let me unwind from classes, and I had a stressful class schedule. Well, just before I left for Armenia he found himself in a relationship. Cool for him, right? Well, for a while I found myself by myself at home with the roommate and the girlfriend...which was exceedingly awkward for some reason. Cue more feeling alone. You might say, well, why didn't I just go out and find something to do...easier said than done when I still had a lot to do because I was taking the class from Hell (PCHEM, which also saps your spirit) among other things, and remember things with my other friends were awkward. Thank God for Steele and DM or I would have been completely miserable.
So, that was a cycle of horrible, miserable PCHEM, awkwardness around chemistry friends, and awkwardness at home that continued from late February to late March, then it hit the fan, and just exploded in my head all at once. Rewind just a bit. I bought my ticket to New Orleans while I was still in Armenia because the tickets were cheap ($179 round trip), and all anybody was hearing on the news was how much oil had spiked, so of course the rational thing was to buy tickets BEFORE the airlines raised their prices. I passed this on to people, and most actually bought their tickets, all of course except those with whom I'd made arrangements to stay. Knock me over with a feather, right? Looking back I'm not sure why I was so surprised because I called the event well beforehand... Well when the light bulb finally clicked on in their heads of course ticket prices had almost doubled as oil had sky rocketed...What do said friends decide to do..they buy a package deal through a website three weeks before we're due to leave (way too late for a conference considering all the deals were gone). All good and well, except when it came time for hotel, suddenly it became prohibitively expensive for me to stay with them because to add me would've driven the price up from their prearranged price through the website so I'm told. Bullox I say to that because I would have been paying the difference! It was obvious to me that I was not wanted around. You know what, it's fine if you don't want me around but DON'T screw me over at the last minute because you don't have the guts to tell me straight up. At that moment everything I had been feeling boiled over. I didn't get outwardly angry and didn't say anything to anybody, but inside I was livid, and seething with rage. I felt like a pest and a bother, in other words embarrassed. I ended up having to stay by myself (not cheap) because I had made arrangements that had then been yanked out from under my feet. Also, while we were there because I was staying alone it wasn't easy to do things with people, and even though I made an effort to suggest things to do I felt I wasn't included. People who had told me they would call for food or going out never called. It would be a fluke if it only happened once, but over and over with several different people. I wasn't asking for concrete plans, but everybody wants to feel included, and I felt like I was having to force myself upon my "friends." Cue feeling a pest and a bother again. After the second day I finally said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I remember watching Gorillas in the Mist that night on television (funny the things you remember) and barely being able to see straight I was so angry. I was angry at the situation, angry at them, but most of all I was angry with myself for being foolish enough to put myself in that situation. I barely said anything to anybody the next morning as we went to the airport and instead pretended to do work. I hate feeling like a pest or a bother, and these were supposed to be my friends and people I wanted to spend time with, yet I was making a fool out of myself...Why shouldn't I be angry? After that it was over for me. I wish I could say my little hissy fit in New Orleans was a one off, but my feelings of anger and embarrassment remained...for months. I think one of the smartest things I've ever done was to not say anything about it at the time because I was venting my anger at three or four specific people. Some of the anger looking back was understandable, but not all of it. I STILL feel like I was shafted, however. I hit a precipice. I felt that if I had created the situation for myself then I would just remove myself from the situation. I wonder if people noticed a change in my demeanor or presence? I wasn't making an effort to have people notice a change in my behavior, but I'll be damned if I was going to go out of my way for them like before when I tried to be accommodating. Why bust my hump for people who obviously didn't give a hoot about me. Wish them well but I became a little more selfish after that. I also became much less apologetic. Again, thank God for Steele and DM, because without them I would have been completely miserable at school those last eight weeks.
Those last eight weeks I just went through the motions. I went to class, didn't really say much, and kept to myself. I was still very angry, and I had to be around the people that I was angry at all the freakin' time. Graduation came and went, and like high school, I was very ready to go. It makes me sad sometimes to think about it because unlike high school I enjoyed most of college, but the end sucked. Everybody I've spoken to about it says they had a semester that was terrible. It's just unfortunate that mine was the last one, and for now seems to be what I think of FIRST when I think about undergrad. It certainly wasn't all bad. DM asked me to be in his wedding and I've been to Arizona twice to see Steele, so I can say I left GCSU with two solid friends, and that's definitely something good! Hopefully time will soften the bad memories and I'll get better about thinking about the great things that came out of that horrible semester. I just wish I could have learned sooner, and honestly that's the one thing I've taken out of it -- if it isn't there, it isn't there and my time is too valuable to waste.
Fast forward to now, almost two years later I think I'm a much happier, better, and smarter person for having gone through it. I wish I hadn't been stupid and learned my lesson a little earlier, but what can you do? I certainly wouldn't want to rewind.
Junior year of college was AMAZING. I pretty much enjoyed every minute of it. I loved all my classes, research, and just thoroughly enjoyed it. The group of people I was around at the time all got along rather well, and we spent time together outside of class. A lot of us went to Germany that summer as well. We get back to school however and the mood had changed. Wanting the "Summer of Love" to continue I was looking forward to the year. Turns out that maybe we had been overexposed. It took a few months for it all to sink in, and I was probably distracted by the fact that I spent most of my time after ACS Boston getting ready for Armenia (which was fantastic, see my blog about that!). Had I not been involved in that it probably would have happened before Christmas. Some of it also involved someone that I wanted to maybe be more than friends with...so infatuation may also have occluded reality (since of course that never happens).
Then basically January to March just SUCKED!
I get back from a great time in Armenia, and back to classes, but something just didn't seem the same. It felt really awkward. Looking back I think the biggest change was me, and that I had begun moving in a new direction, but I hadn't fully realized that moving forward is much better than moving backward, and that my new directions didn't necessarily mean I could keep old ones. Due to that I felt really isolated and alone. Just to make the story better was the situation with my roommate. There was no ugliness, no bad blood, or anything like what is often seen between roommates. Up until then we hung out a lot in the evenings, which was great for me because it let me unwind from classes, and I had a stressful class schedule. Well, just before I left for Armenia he found himself in a relationship. Cool for him, right? Well, for a while I found myself by myself at home with the roommate and the girlfriend...which was exceedingly awkward for some reason. Cue more feeling alone. You might say, well, why didn't I just go out and find something to do...easier said than done when I still had a lot to do because I was taking the class from Hell (PCHEM, which also saps your spirit) among other things, and remember things with my other friends were awkward. Thank God for Steele and DM or I would have been completely miserable.
So, that was a cycle of horrible, miserable PCHEM, awkwardness around chemistry friends, and awkwardness at home that continued from late February to late March, then it hit the fan, and just exploded in my head all at once. Rewind just a bit. I bought my ticket to New Orleans while I was still in Armenia because the tickets were cheap ($179 round trip), and all anybody was hearing on the news was how much oil had spiked, so of course the rational thing was to buy tickets BEFORE the airlines raised their prices. I passed this on to people, and most actually bought their tickets, all of course except those with whom I'd made arrangements to stay. Knock me over with a feather, right? Looking back I'm not sure why I was so surprised because I called the event well beforehand... Well when the light bulb finally clicked on in their heads of course ticket prices had almost doubled as oil had sky rocketed...What do said friends decide to do..they buy a package deal through a website three weeks before we're due to leave (way too late for a conference considering all the deals were gone). All good and well, except when it came time for hotel, suddenly it became prohibitively expensive for me to stay with them because to add me would've driven the price up from their prearranged price through the website so I'm told. Bullox I say to that because I would have been paying the difference! It was obvious to me that I was not wanted around. You know what, it's fine if you don't want me around but DON'T screw me over at the last minute because you don't have the guts to tell me straight up. At that moment everything I had been feeling boiled over. I didn't get outwardly angry and didn't say anything to anybody, but inside I was livid, and seething with rage. I felt like a pest and a bother, in other words embarrassed. I ended up having to stay by myself (not cheap) because I had made arrangements that had then been yanked out from under my feet. Also, while we were there because I was staying alone it wasn't easy to do things with people, and even though I made an effort to suggest things to do I felt I wasn't included. People who had told me they would call for food or going out never called. It would be a fluke if it only happened once, but over and over with several different people. I wasn't asking for concrete plans, but everybody wants to feel included, and I felt like I was having to force myself upon my "friends." Cue feeling a pest and a bother again. After the second day I finally said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I remember watching Gorillas in the Mist that night on television (funny the things you remember) and barely being able to see straight I was so angry. I was angry at the situation, angry at them, but most of all I was angry with myself for being foolish enough to put myself in that situation. I barely said anything to anybody the next morning as we went to the airport and instead pretended to do work. I hate feeling like a pest or a bother, and these were supposed to be my friends and people I wanted to spend time with, yet I was making a fool out of myself...Why shouldn't I be angry? After that it was over for me. I wish I could say my little hissy fit in New Orleans was a one off, but my feelings of anger and embarrassment remained...for months. I think one of the smartest things I've ever done was to not say anything about it at the time because I was venting my anger at three or four specific people. Some of the anger looking back was understandable, but not all of it. I STILL feel like I was shafted, however. I hit a precipice. I felt that if I had created the situation for myself then I would just remove myself from the situation. I wonder if people noticed a change in my demeanor or presence? I wasn't making an effort to have people notice a change in my behavior, but I'll be damned if I was going to go out of my way for them like before when I tried to be accommodating. Why bust my hump for people who obviously didn't give a hoot about me. Wish them well but I became a little more selfish after that. I also became much less apologetic. Again, thank God for Steele and DM, because without them I would have been completely miserable at school those last eight weeks.
Those last eight weeks I just went through the motions. I went to class, didn't really say much, and kept to myself. I was still very angry, and I had to be around the people that I was angry at all the freakin' time. Graduation came and went, and like high school, I was very ready to go. It makes me sad sometimes to think about it because unlike high school I enjoyed most of college, but the end sucked. Everybody I've spoken to about it says they had a semester that was terrible. It's just unfortunate that mine was the last one, and for now seems to be what I think of FIRST when I think about undergrad. It certainly wasn't all bad. DM asked me to be in his wedding and I've been to Arizona twice to see Steele, so I can say I left GCSU with two solid friends, and that's definitely something good! Hopefully time will soften the bad memories and I'll get better about thinking about the great things that came out of that horrible semester. I just wish I could have learned sooner, and honestly that's the one thing I've taken out of it -- if it isn't there, it isn't there and my time is too valuable to waste.
Fast forward to now, almost two years later I think I'm a much happier, better, and smarter person for having gone through it. I wish I hadn't been stupid and learned my lesson a little earlier, but what can you do? I certainly wouldn't want to rewind.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A little Dominican culture
First off, let me reiterate that Dominica is NOT the Dominican Republic. I've had to explain to people several times the distinction. They're not even that close together, at almost 600 miles apart -- or the distance from Chicago to Atlanta. Also, getting to The Dominican Republic is much easier than getting to Dominica! Unless you live in a city with non stop service to either Antigua, Barbados, or San Juan it's going to take you at least two connections an an overnight to get here!
The Dominican Republic is a Spanish speaking country, while Dominica was colonized by the French and British. As a result, English is the standard form of communication here. However, there is a "French-based" language called Patois that floats around here. However, it about as much resembles French to me as English does Swedish. There is a significant African and Carib influence on it as well. It's not a written language, and I only hear it used by older folks. I'm sure there are plenty of younger people who understand it and can speak it, but when walking by groups of young people talking amongst themselves it's almost exclusively English I hear.
From a Caribbean standpoint I'm told Dominicans are very friendly. Define friendly??lol. I come from a culture (Southern) where "friendly" is defined as disgustingly and at times invasively nice. Manners are an art where I come from. Here you say hello to somebody you're just as like to get a simple "OK" (to a "hello", I know) as you are a "fine thanks". It's a little disarming at first.
On a DISGUSTING side note was lab demo yesterday. In a nutshell, not every group does every dissection -- that would be pointless. We split them up and then show them to the other groups. In a nutshell he kept finding ways to uncover and/or touch the cadaver's vagina. He had absolutely no reason to as nothing he was talking about had anything to do with the vagina. But he JUST KEPT TOUCHING IT. I wanted to just say STOP IT! It was very bizarre, and I asked the other people in the group about it, and they noticed it too, saying it was very hard to pay attention to anything he was saying because he kept touching it! Note to all future medical school students -- be well aware of where your hands are at all times.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The completely random things one thinks about...
Let me just first off I am incredibly jealous of everybody at home getting rained! We have a two year drought and then it starts to rain when I leave! For the record I love cold/cool rainy days in the fall. Say what you will about my psyche but that makes me happy, lol. Watch us have the warmest Christmas in twenty years when I get home...And watch Chicago be in the fifties in January, haha!
I usually listen to some music while I study to block out background noises, and today the song "Your Love" by the Outfield came on. I instantly flashed back to that night at 8E's with five or six good friends standing around in a circle screaming the song at each other...is it too much to smile and want that to happen again? I remember dancing with Feet and Awad that night too...and I'm instantly sad that my friendship with Feet seemingly dissolved over my trying to do what I thought was the right thing. I am also still angry with the people who put me in that situation because they cost me a good friend. Feet, if you by any chance ever read this I hope you know I'm sincere. I'm a lot of things but insincere isn't one of them. In fact, I'm so honest at times it's brutal (not always a good thing). Would I still do it, more than likely because I still believe it to be the right thing...why can't doing the right thing always work out for you?
I think I'm at that stage where I finally have something nice to look back on, where I was just "me". No school, no studying, none of that, just me, living a little bit. I wasn't defined by anything related to school. People at work saw me as an employee, an equal, and my friends were just my friends. Not my friends because we were in the same department or worked in the same lab. Yes, some of my best friends stem from school/lab, but that's no longer our environment and we're still friends. If that's not clear let me know and I'll have a go at explaining it again, haha.
I have to learn how to take it for just that. Sorry Bon Jovi, but you can't always go home. Well, you could, but nobody would be there, and by having left you're a different person and your life has changed. I look back on those events/times/places with smiles because I'm only thinking about the happy times at that moment. When my thoughts go a little further and I remember why I was there, I'm not missing it quite as much. I was in/near Athens solely because I worked nearby. I was able to do nothing from Friday afternoon to Monday morning if I so chose because that was just it...I had nothing to do once work was over. Unfortunately it wasn't getting me anywhere. I know I've written about that before, but it's been an adjustment. Nothing I don't think I can't handle, but nonetheless, it's an adjustment.
I've been thinking a lot about my grandmother lately, though exactly why I'm not sure. I remember her machine gun rat-a-tat laugh, going to the bookstore on an almost weekly basis, traveling around Georgia when I was younger. I remember she took us to Williamsburg and D.C when I was 9 and 10. I remember going to the Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge, TN. I remember those weekly drives to Alpharetta for piano lessons. I remember a lot, and they're all happy memories. It's interesting that I should have these reflections now. She died almost nine years ago. It makes me wonder what I'll remember about Granddaddy...
I don't know what the deal was today, but song after song came on that resonated pangs! haha. "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?" by Stevie Nicks came on a little while ago, and the song always makes me want to cry. Why I'm not entirely sure. Like most Stevie Nicks songs there isn't a great deal of linearity and/or transparency in the lyrics. BUT, nonetheless, it's moving. Incidentally, there's something just flat wrong with hearing a song like that followed immediately by "Womanizer"...or the like. I mean, c'mon iTunes, have a little tact! I'm sorry, that's just wrong!
Has anyone ever written anything for you
In all your darkest hours
Have you ever heard me sing
Listen to me now
You know I'd rather be alone
Than be without you
Don't you know
Has anyone ever given anything to you
In your darkest hours
Did you ever give it back
Well, I have
I have given that to you
If it's all I ever do
This is your song
And the rain comes down
There's no pain and there's no doubt
It was easy to say
I believed in you everyday
If not for me
Then do it for the world
Has anyone ever written anything for you
In your darkest sorrow
Did you ever hear me sing
Listen to me now
You know I'd rather be alone
Than be without you
Don't you know
So, if not for me, then
Do it for yourself
If not for me then
Do it for the world
Poet...priest of nothing
Poet...priest of nothing
-- Stevie Nicks, Keith Olsen
I usually listen to some music while I study to block out background noises, and today the song "Your Love" by the Outfield came on. I instantly flashed back to that night at 8E's with five or six good friends standing around in a circle screaming the song at each other...is it too much to smile and want that to happen again? I remember dancing with Feet and Awad that night too...and I'm instantly sad that my friendship with Feet seemingly dissolved over my trying to do what I thought was the right thing. I am also still angry with the people who put me in that situation because they cost me a good friend. Feet, if you by any chance ever read this I hope you know I'm sincere. I'm a lot of things but insincere isn't one of them. In fact, I'm so honest at times it's brutal (not always a good thing). Would I still do it, more than likely because I still believe it to be the right thing...why can't doing the right thing always work out for you?
I think I'm at that stage where I finally have something nice to look back on, where I was just "me". No school, no studying, none of that, just me, living a little bit. I wasn't defined by anything related to school. People at work saw me as an employee, an equal, and my friends were just my friends. Not my friends because we were in the same department or worked in the same lab. Yes, some of my best friends stem from school/lab, but that's no longer our environment and we're still friends. If that's not clear let me know and I'll have a go at explaining it again, haha.
I have to learn how to take it for just that. Sorry Bon Jovi, but you can't always go home. Well, you could, but nobody would be there, and by having left you're a different person and your life has changed. I look back on those events/times/places with smiles because I'm only thinking about the happy times at that moment. When my thoughts go a little further and I remember why I was there, I'm not missing it quite as much. I was in/near Athens solely because I worked nearby. I was able to do nothing from Friday afternoon to Monday morning if I so chose because that was just it...I had nothing to do once work was over. Unfortunately it wasn't getting me anywhere. I know I've written about that before, but it's been an adjustment. Nothing I don't think I can't handle, but nonetheless, it's an adjustment.
I've been thinking a lot about my grandmother lately, though exactly why I'm not sure. I remember her machine gun rat-a-tat laugh, going to the bookstore on an almost weekly basis, traveling around Georgia when I was younger. I remember she took us to Williamsburg and D.C when I was 9 and 10. I remember going to the Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge, TN. I remember those weekly drives to Alpharetta for piano lessons. I remember a lot, and they're all happy memories. It's interesting that I should have these reflections now. She died almost nine years ago. It makes me wonder what I'll remember about Granddaddy...
I don't know what the deal was today, but song after song came on that resonated pangs! haha. "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?" by Stevie Nicks came on a little while ago, and the song always makes me want to cry. Why I'm not entirely sure. Like most Stevie Nicks songs there isn't a great deal of linearity and/or transparency in the lyrics. BUT, nonetheless, it's moving. Incidentally, there's something just flat wrong with hearing a song like that followed immediately by "Womanizer"...or the like. I mean, c'mon iTunes, have a little tact! I'm sorry, that's just wrong!
Has anyone ever written anything for you
In all your darkest hours
Have you ever heard me sing
Listen to me now
You know I'd rather be alone
Than be without you
Don't you know
Has anyone ever given anything to you
In your darkest hours
Did you ever give it back
Well, I have
I have given that to you
If it's all I ever do
This is your song
And the rain comes down
There's no pain and there's no doubt
It was easy to say
I believed in you everyday
If not for me
Then do it for the world
Has anyone ever written anything for you
In your darkest sorrow
Did you ever hear me sing
Listen to me now
You know I'd rather be alone
Than be without you
Don't you know
So, if not for me, then
Do it for yourself
If not for me then
Do it for the world
Poet...priest of nothing
Poet...priest of nothing
-- Stevie Nicks, Keith Olsen
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