Farewell Dominica

So I'm finally settled in Miami, for now anyways. It took two days of constant back and forth little trips consisting of an unmentionable number of bags containing a broad array of useless crap to get here! Getting the furniture turned out to be a bit more of a hassle than I would've liked -- I had to sleep on my couch the first night (but it's a great couch!).

It still feels a bit surreal that I'm not going back to Dominica. When I came back to the states on December 18th (I shall forever remember that day!) I knew there was a chance that I could be repeating, just because of my "stellar" success on Minis 1 and 3 pharm. PS, I rocked the pharm final! So when I got my grades it all came at once. Joy, relief, a minute tinge of sadness, but it was all there. Then I began reading all of my friends' statuses about how they're all going back to "The Rock"as it is known by some. And then the surreal feeling set in. I'm not going back. That blasted island dominated my life for about a year and a half, it was in my consciousness every single day that I was there and I had to alter a great deal just to accommodate to that fact. And then poof! just like that I'm gone. I'm greatly relieved to be moving on to something new, and living in a place where idiocy is not The National Passtime, but it is just strange nonetheless. This might be my last post to have the "Dominica" label on it! I met some great people there (some greater than others...) and hopefully I will be able to keep in touch with those still there and those that went to Michigan. But for now, "Forward, the Light Brigade!"

Merry Christmas

So it's Christmas! (if you start singing that John Lennon song I'll cut you).

The best Christmas present I could possibly ever ask for was GETTING THE HECK OUTTA DODGE (Dominica). I don't know why I do this to myself, but invariably there's a class that comes down to the wire, and it was pharm!! (yet again). I literally passed by two points. I'm not that proud of that fact, but at this point I'll take it because it lets me move forward. I've had several friends along the way have to repeat because they "missed it by one or two points"... so I'll happily accept PASSING by one or two points to prevent such an occurrence. It's a little surreal to think I won't be going back there any time soon (if ever). It is a LITTLE sad. There are one or two people there whom I wouldn't mind seeing more of...But I'm elated never to have to board that flight in SJU again (Unless I'm getting paid to!!)

I'm now allowing myself to think about Miami. I'm finalizing arrangements and starting to put together lists for the move. It's going to be interesting. Some of it is indeed a bit ridiculous the amount of STUFF I'm going to need for just four months. Some of it is just excess to treat myself for living in a dump for 16 months. I'll need furniture in the future, so might as well buy it now. The cost to rent pieces for the time I'm there is more than the cost of some of the pieces anyway. It creates a small logistical issue, but just one. Oh well, Miami, Miami...you've got style...

Ay me...

A thought just occurred to me. Not that it's profound or life-changing, but that's what this blog is for...my thoughts. We're not allowed to appreciate this island, whatever good it has to offer.
We're forced to just sit here and be grumpy and busy and completely at odds with its culture.
 Of course we're going to hate it!
I think I'd hate it regardless because I'm just too Type A for a "relaxed" culture, regardless of whether or I not I have an exam next week
As a side note:  putting a thousand arguably OVER-eduacted people in one of the cradles of idiocy where people do not think past the end of their nose and do not care what is going on around them...what genius came up with that idea.

Case in point... Not only did the incident itself absolutely blow my mind, but the sheer ignorance found even in statements condemning what happened speak volumes about the views the people here possess. This is such a closed-minded society. I really think that if Dominica wants to not necessarily keep up, but just move with the rest of the world, they need to open their eyes and at least acknowledge that the world is out there. I read on wikipedia (okay okay consider the source) that over 10, 000 people have emigrated from the island since the year 2000. That is astounding considering the island's population is only about 70, 000. That should be an eye-opener to people that a number that amounts to OVER TEN PERCENT of your population has left in ten years. Sadly, I predict the people who remain (the grossly uneducated) will simply walk down the street in their fog. Fine, let them do so, I want out of here, STAT!

Rainnnnnnnn

Last night/early this morning is rained incredibly hard. It had started rumbling with a little bit of lightning about 930 last night, and I was so tired that I put a movie on about 1030 and unplugged the internet. I had to have fallen asleep by 11 because I have very little recollection of much of the movie.  Toll! for sleep :P. I was woken up about 245ish by the LOUD rain and thunder and I also had to go the bathroom. I get into the bathroom, and I'm knocked over by this absolutely PUTRID smell. Water (and anything and everything suspended in the water) was backing up through the drain into my shower. My shower looked disgusting this morning. I dumped bleach in it and rain it on scalding hot for about twenty minutes before I even thought of getting into it this morning...I love Dominica. . . 72 days and COUNTING!!!

Rain

We have entered the rainy season in Dominica. Indeed, the name says it all. It has literally poured throughout the day for the last few weeks. This week has been particularly wet. Monday I was looking forward to playing tennis with Steve. We had just warmed up (including that delightful filmy layer of sweat) when the bottom fell out of the sky, drenching the court, and us. Sweat and rain do not a pleasant combination make. Well Sheisse! I've also had the pleasant fortune of having the bottom drop out of the sky seemingly every time I need to step outside. It's pretty annoying because it's almost always windy and therefore it rains sideways, rendering that ever-so-useful umbrella much less useful...

Last night I was watching Dexter and eating dinner at E's place. Of course it started to rain (HARD!) as I was just leaving to go to her place...and the sky everywhere was black. Growing up watching squall lines come through I could tell this wasn't going to be a short storm. Indeed I was right (I mean of course I was! :P) and it ended up thundering and lightning for over an hour, and raining very hard for almost three. My road was almost completely washed out, and I was dodging puddles left, right, and sideways as I was walking home. But at least I didn't have to fool with umbrellas and horizontal rain!!

Music

I was walking to my usual study spot this morning when I walked past a car playing (at an obnoxiously loud volume of course) a reggae version of Michael Jackson's "Human Nature." I must say it was pretty good. However, I have noticed a trend since I've been here in Dominica that a lot of music is simply covers. Often they're recognizable, and almost always they're enjoyable but sometimes you get one that's indistinguishable from four year olds banging on trashcan lids. The best example I can think of is a frantic remake of Real McCoy's "Run Away" which can be heard here. If I didn't know the words I would not have recognized the remake!

We also heard Garth Brooks' "Papa Loved Mama" while waiting in line at Subway. However, this was not a cover, but the original. Dominica is one of the last places I would have expected to hear that song.

Just for you Redd...

Hmmm what to say what to say...
As I've mentioned earlier I'm rather complacent right now. I don't really have a lot to gripe about. Pretty much everything is status quo. Everything I could gripe about would be repetition :P
I'm looking forward to Puerto Rico immensely...three weeks and counting.

I guess I should mention something about school, that does, after all, occupy a disgustingly large portion of my time. I'm thoroughly enjoying just about everything we're studying right now (epidemiology withstanding, shoot me please kthnxbai). I'm sure that factors into why I'm not overly gripey/complainy/whiney/ME/ cantankerous/insert synonym for "grouchy" ad nauseum to describe my frustration with the skullduggery we endure to get those two blasted letters next to our name. **Sidenote** I'm not sure if that's a run-on sentence...but it could be...I guess I don't see such material as a chore and thus nearly as stressful and deserving of cantankery (I think I just made up a new word). I've enjoyed neoplasia, but the METRIC F***TON of drugs and bacteria they're going to give us to learn (in nine days I might add) today and tomorrow I'm not quite so giddy about.

Wimbledon is HERE!!! Which, like Roland Garros means my productivity potential invariably takes a long trip, detour-filled trip to Sydney. I'm rooting for Rafa to win again. Go away Federer please, vielen dankt. I'm enjoying Wimbledon so much I just can't get enough tennis that's on TV. I've discovered a plethora of tennis matches on youtube (dear God take them off!). The current offering is the 1988 US Open Final, Graf vs. Sabatini. Steffi just bricked a routine slice backhand into the net as I write this, followed by a winner with the latest forehand I have ever seen ANYBODY hit. Anyway, back to Wimbledon: today the longest match ever played ended after three days. I know you're dying to know who was playing so I'll just tell you: John Isner vs. Nicholas Mahut (who?). I consider myself a pretty knowledgeable tennis fan and I must admit, Mahut...no clue who that is. Anyway, these two schlubs played a match that finally went Isner's way 70-68 in the fifth set. That's more games in one set than many players will play in an entire tournament. Isner went to UGA so I had to endure three days of GO ISNER!!! on facebook. All the while I'm coming back to this match thinking to myself: this is not impressive. This is two guys serving. One guy has the biggest serve in tennis and moves about as well as a beached whale (Isner, he's 6'10 after all) and the other guy, well, he's mostly incidental in the outcome of the match. Could Isner move even as well as I do on a tennis court (ok, USED to be able to move) he probably would have won that match on Tuesday. So I'm watching everybody around me jump up and down with such excitement they're leaving puddles on the ground going: what's.the.big.deal?

Who Doesn't Love a Good House Flood?

I came back from lunch (after sleeping until 11:30) to find half my bathroom and about 6 feet of my bedroom flooded. BONK. Can you say aggravation? I was coming back to get my books and I was in the frame of mind to hit them hard to start getting ready for the final, then that happened. I think it's an understatement to say I was less than pleased. If anything because now I only have one clean towel...oh well, only one is fine for the next week, even if it is annoying, and then it dawned on me, I only have 8 more nights in Dominica, which is a rather pleasant thought :) because then I get to go home and see my friends and family.

Thankfully the floor is just tiled, and not carpeted so I just wiped it up, then actually watched Little House on the Prairie to put some innocent happy thoughts into my head before resuming the drudgery. For the first time In several months I can say i went over 24 hours without giving any care in the world to whether or not I was studying. It was a nice feeling.

Adventures...of Cows...

I needed a break from staring at the development of the genitals (wouldn't you) so I went outside around 5 when it was actually tolerable. I sat down next to a field and observed that there were several cows grazing in it. I noticed the cows were obviously feeling frisky, so I actually started to watch them. One cow got too close to another, and it was promptly headbutted. Another mooed LOUDLY at a cat for five minutes. The cat was behind a gate and just sat there looking at the cow like "what, I'm not going anywhere, and you can't get me, so shut up". I agreed with the cat, which is a frightening thought if you let your mind go there... Later the cows decided that the soccer goal was going to be their playtoy. One got his horns stuck in the net and dragged it like ten feet before it would come out. Three of them then proceeded to kick and shove the goal. After a while I lost interest. Such is my life right now...

Pet Sounds

My toilet broke the other day. The bulb that turns off the toilet when the water level was high enough, the arm broke. I told the landlord about it and he promptly replaced it. I have a good landlord, hence why I've renewed my lease for a second time. Anyway, they replaced with a device that instead of having the floating bulb-arm thing, it's all in one, and the floater is on the apparatus that lets the water in. So it's a more compact unit. One problem though: the new unit is uber-sensitive to the water fluxes, and as a result it turns on for like two seconds ALL THE TIME. It now sounds like mating whales or elephants or something in my bathroom. Usually it doesn't bother me but sometimes I have to turn the toilet off in at night if I can't drown it out.

Some Days the Force Just Ain't With You...

The title says it all. What a blah day. Possibly because yesterday was a long day that required me to be on top of a lot of things. Eight (EIGHT!) hours of lecture, a meeting in a room with no air conditioner, and the realization that crunch time is pretty much here...lord, it adds up! Throw in the fact that I really want to see my friends back home and talk about/do things that are completely unrelated to medical school and you have the makings of a BLAH day.

On the bright side I was able to plan my trip to Arizona/California during the August break. Five days with Steele (and no med school!) should be amazing. Lately I've had the most awkward travel schedule: Chicago in January and Arizona in August. Actually this will be the third year in a row I'll be in Arizona in August/September. But we're going to San Diego for a nice chunk of it, so the heat shouldn't be TOO oppressive :P What is really funny to me is that it will cost me $1 less to fly to Phoenix and back (both flights non-stop) than it was to fly to Chicago. Coming back from Chicago we stopped in Detroit to knock $100 off the price of the ticket! Chicago is 606 miles by air. Phoenix is 1,587. Perhaps the weather in August doesn't exactly attract snowbirds? Either way, Delta deposited a 1500 mile bonus in my SkyMiles account, which is always nice! Delta has been incredibly accommodating as of late, as I've had to change my flights twice thanks to American Airlines' shenanigans, and neither time did they charge me a change fee! Either way, I still get to go on a little vacation and see some friends I haven't seen in over a year. Friends for the win!

I think in April my mom and I are taking my Grandmama to Pennsylvania to see her sister, my great aunt. I haven't been to Pennsylvania before, so it should be fun. I really hope we get to go to Philadelphia, because the history dork in me would like to see the cheesy things like the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall :P Gettysburg for the same reason.

Birthday, Island style

So my birthday came and went on the island. Instead of spending it in the preferred fashion with friends at 8E's we instead spent it watching a few episodes of Dexter and then a no-holes-barred game of Spoons and BS. I still like to call BS "Bible Study" in the spirit of those many many many games played on a ten hour bus ride to New Orleans on a church trip back in the day. Let me also add that Spoons + Wine makes more some hilarious NO THAT'S MY SPOON moments. Thankfully either I completely miss the spoon or get it well before the fight ensues because I would probably just give up the spoon. I also remember a game of spoons a couple of years ago where I conked heads with someone else who was diving for the same spoon. Said person began to cry like a baby because of a bump on her head.

The best moment of the evening, by far, however, was when Meg had to drink wine out of a measuring cup. We will make a redneck out of her yet. And school/class was not mentioned. Not.A.Word.

Just milling about...

Ah what to say, what to say. I don't have any snippets of profundity, but I have several humorous moments.

* Somehow, someway, I managed to lock myself OUT of my bathroom. It's a door that never gets locked, and rarely gets closed, yet somehow I managed to get it closed AND locked... epic fail. I was closing it because at that time of day the sun comes in the bathroom window and I was trying to keep the room a little cooler. Either the little man who turns the refrigerator light on and off had was feeling frisky or I'm a complete retard... You be the judge. I rescind from voting.

* Yesterday I was in class, and had put my scrub bottoms on over my shorts because it was subarctic in this room. I didn't, however, tie the knot. I sat like this for about a half an hour, and thus forgot about my failure to tie the bloody knot. I promptly stood up to talk to my Canuck who was a few seats down, and by the time I had gotten to her seat the scrub bottoms were around my knees. Hot, right? It was awkward and funny at the same time. I mean, I still had my shorts on, but nonetheless...OOPS.

* I realized I've become a juice snob since coming here. For all the lackluster food Dominica has to offer the juice is fantastic. When I was in Chicago a few weeks ago the hotel had guava juice as art of the breakfast buffet. Well, I love guava juice. this juice, however, was a poor imitation of what I now know to be "guava" juice. I thought to myself Dear God this place is leaving it's mark on me. AHHHH! We can't have that happen ;)

* We had our first dissection yesterday. Once again I'm placed into the A (of A, B, & C), so we get the first dissection. Oh goody. Put 150 people in the same room who haven't the foggiest idea what's going on -- recipe for success, no? Well, the first assignment is to remove the brain. Oh sure! No problem. Never mind that the skull was still intact...they had initially wanted everybody to use a freakin' hack saw to take the skull off but the saws were dull and there weren't enough to go around...nobody wanted to be there all day... SO...we ended up having to wait while a proctor game around with SuperMan's Dremel 6100 and saw off the skull. That of course was an adventure in and of itself. Everyone who's been to the dentist for anything other than a cleaning knows that wonderful burned bone smell...multiply that by a factor of two hundred or so, and then multiply it again for 30 skulls...BLEGH! Throw in for fun dodging a few bone fragments and it was a real time! One person who was at a table already de-braining (what do you call that process? Should I know this??) their cadaver can pelted when a bone fragment right in her temple. Rather funny.

Getting back into the groove of studying isn't any fun, I don't care who you are! Breaks are a sick joke. It takes a whopping three days to get out of your study rhythm, but it can take two to three weeks to FIND that groove again. Same rule applies for your forehand by the way...

Back to the grind...

As of 8 January I'm back in Dominica. Yippee, right? The first few hours were completely awful. With my entire being I did NOT want to be here, and I couldn't have cared less why I was. Just take me back tot he airport and let me go home. I'll figure something out for the rest of my life. Of course, after a massive whine fest that would give any three-year-old a run for his money common sense prevailed. What would I do when I get home? Answer -- nothing worth leaving. It's temporary, hopefully when 2011 rolls around I won't have to come back here and I'll be THAT much further along to achieving my goal. So I did/will continue to just eat it and deal with it -- as will everybody else in my position. This isn't home, and three weeks of doing nothing but what I wanted to do was, in retrospect, guaranteed to result in a let down or feelings of morose. Of course, a nasty stomach bug that manifested itself the first night in Puerto Rico didn't help either!

My brother and I went to Puerto Rico for a few days to just hang out and see a little bit of Puerto Rico. All good and well. Around 7pm the first night I felt like I'd been on the losing end of a chicken fight with a Mack truck. Around 9pm I made myself acquainted with the toilet bowl. Due to violet circumstances we maintained our close bond for the next 8 hours. Yippee, right? The next day I felt like I'd been run over by two Mack trucks, but Michael was there and so was I so I set my jaw and tried to make the best of it. We had five to six hours where we went to the Bacardi factory and Old San Juan which was fun. After a while though I was aching all over and had to go back to the hotel. We had planned to head back in the late afternoon/early evening because Mike wanted to watch the National Championship, so this was about an hour or so earlier than planned. Oh well. We got back and I took a two hour nap. This was not food poisoning as I originally thought!

Flying down here was an infinitely more pleasant experience than either my flights to or from Dominica last semester. Dear Lord was it better! Last semester I had to fly LIAT inbound and outbound because there was no other choice. I promptly swore that I would do everything in my power to ensure LIAT was never an option ever again.

Well on the way to certifiable...

Central State hold a place for me... Ok, scratch that. Complete and total apathy has set in and I just do not give a hoot... it's me absorbing the local Dominican motto! Ok, scratch that too, and shoot me if that ever happens!

Yesterday we were in the middle of an EIGHT (EIGHT!)hour study session. During said session a small Mack truck LOADED with speakers came through and parked right outside the campus gate. The music was so loud it was vibrating the tables and windows in the rooms. I'm sure you could have heard it in Guadeloupe... it was THAT loud. Well, not only did they park there, but they stayed for ten minutes. Finally, enough was enough, it was impossible to concentrate. Apparently a few others felt the same as I was not the only one leaving the study room at that time. We went over to the group of people sitting mere inches away from speakers that were eight feet tall (where's the sense in that)and attempted to explain that the noise that thing was making was rather distracting and if they wouldn't mind either turning the blasted thing off or moving on down the road. The guy next to me was less than polite about it, I was trying to be a little more tactful, but it wasn't working. Not only did they not care that it was bothering us (shocker), but they didn't seem to understand HOW it could bother us. So again, dude, we have a test in two days... it's impossible to concentrate, and you've been here ten minutes. He said "we'll go in a minute." Sorry chief, that isn't going to cut it. "A minute" in island time could be tomorrow! We finally had to ask security to make them move. As they were moving I tried to give a wave of thanks, but it wasn't received friendly. We weren't trying to be jerks about it, but that attempt fell on deaf ears.

Now, why would they be doing that at all might you ask. Well, as it turns out it's election time here Dominica. I hate politics and politicians, and their mindless drones, er um, supporters, irritate me to no end. People's brains just get checked at the brain bank. AHHHHHHH! Rant! Also, continuing with the no-brain thing, the whole area around the school is 99% students. They weren't stopping to campaign, or if they were, that's wasted time!

On a totally different note. They cleaned out the anatomy dissection lab yesterday. They then cremated the bodies. The whole area smelled like Dachau. It was kinda creepy.

A little Dominican culture

First off, let me reiterate that Dominica is NOT the Dominican Republic. I've had to explain to people several times the distinction. They're not even that close together, at almost 600 miles apart -- or the distance from Chicago to Atlanta. Also, getting to The Dominican Republic is much easier than getting to Dominica! Unless you live in a city with non stop service to either Antigua, Barbados, or San Juan it's going to take you at least two connections an an overnight to get here!

The Dominican Republic is a Spanish speaking country, while Dominica was colonized by the French and British. As a result, English is the standard form of communication here. However, there is a "French-based" language called Patois that floats around here. However, it about as much resembles French to me as English does Swedish. There is a significant African and Carib influence on it as well. It's not a written language, and I only hear it used by older folks. I'm sure there are plenty of younger people who understand it and can speak it, but when walking by groups of young people talking amongst themselves it's almost exclusively English I hear.

From a Caribbean standpoint I'm told Dominicans are very friendly. Define friendly??lol. I come from a culture (Southern) where "friendly" is defined as disgustingly and at times invasively nice. Manners are an art where I come from. Here you say hello to somebody you're just as like to get a simple "OK" (to a "hello", I know) as you are a "fine thanks". It's a little disarming at first.

On a DISGUSTING side note was lab demo yesterday. In a nutshell, not every group does every dissection -- that would be pointless. We split them up and then show them to the other groups. In a nutshell he kept finding ways to uncover and/or touch the cadaver's vagina. He had absolutely no reason to as nothing he was talking about had anything to do with the vagina. But he JUST KEPT TOUCHING IT. I wanted to just say STOP IT! It was very bizarre, and I asked the other people in the group about it, and they noticed it too, saying it was very hard to pay attention to anything he was saying because he kept touching it! Note to all future medical school students -- be well aware of where your hands are at all times.

Some thoughts

The settling process has occurred now that the first mini is over. I think a lot of us feel more at ease now that a) we know how the tests are structured and b) we know how we did and not EVERYTHING is an uncertainty (BIG HELP!). As in undergrad, I continue to be amazed at the show some people put on about how much time they spend either studying and/or in the lab. I mean, really, either you're just that insecure about your abilities, or you never learned how to study and your brain just doesn't retain information. Either way it's really annoying when you're around people who can ONLY talk about class/material and demand to be quizzed while eating (school is off limits during meal time for me, unless you're going to make fun of a profess). For cryin' out loud people, did you never learn that you learn best taking frequent breaks. I have always been convinced that if all you do is study, you're going to do poorly. Could I study a little bit more, probably, and I'm still getting back into the rhythm of having to be productive after five. It's getting better and better, but nonetheless, there is room for improvement. I refuse, however, to sacrifice my sleep. The brain is useless when it hasn't rested, and my brain in particular revolts after one night of lousy sleep.

I know people who only go home once a week, and practically live at the student center (disgusting if you think about it from a hygiene perspective) -- said individual carries the same towel around and as a consequence -- it stinks... I know people who never leave the library. I ALWAYS see them at the library when I walk by. Personally the library is too crowded for me, and I've never been a library studier. My frequent breaks (at least once per hour) aren't conducive to that environment. Post mini observation -- I've talked to two people who claimed to have panic attacks, and I know of one person who didn't even answer twenty questions (out of 126) on the mini because he literally fell apart. I felt really bad for said individual, however, he was one of those who was ALWAYS at the library and rarely slept. Hopefully such results will encourage people to rethink some unhealthy habits!

Another thing I'm not comprehending is people who have spent HOURS, as in the majority of their day, in the Gross Anatomy lab several days in a row. Personally the smell is revolting, and spend that much time with your face THIS CLOSE to dead bodies filled with preservative (and some of them are starting to mold) cannot be a good thing. More than one friend has complained today of having had severe headaches since Monday. The first question I asked them was how much time have they spent in the lab... Not to say I'm not studying or haven't been in the lab, but I try to limit my time in there to max three hours at a stretch, no more than once a week, the smell is just too intense. Also, the fact that at least ten people are standing around each cadaver drives me crazy and having to wait ten minutes to get one on the body is frankly a waste of my time!

Classes are hit and miss, totally dependent on the professor. As such, I only attend some professors' lectures now. I go to class daily, just some lectures are pointless to attend because the professors either have a droning-shoot-me-now-I-could-drive-to-Cleveland-before-you-finish-this-sentence kinda thing going on, or their slides are ludicrously thin on information and just show pictures. This is fine until one has to write down what they say. Of course it's impossible to transcribe everything they say, but even jotting down notes becomes futile because by the time you figure out not only what they're talking about (not easy with say, an Indian subcontinent accent) and then what they've actually said, they're usually on to something else. As one can imagine the scenario quickly gets out of hand! As a result, with such professors (thankfully there are only a small hand-full) it's easier to just read the book and watch the lectures online later. Side note -- being able to speed up a lecture actually enhances your willingness/ability to focus and concentrate. It's beautiful thing!

With regards to Dominica it's a hate/ok I'll tolerate this relationship. And it's honestly just about everything. Something I highly doubt I'm ever going to get over is the lack of variety with food. If I were being honest (way overrated) I would probably say that not being to eat what I want when I want and not having a supermarket is by one and only beef, but it's a disgruntling one that permeates and affects my attitude about other things, haha. I want Barberitos and Thai food right now like nobody's business. I'm also having an intense craving for cheese...as such I've eaten pizza like every day for a week, and I'm still on a cheese fix...