It's amazing the people I thought were really good friends, that over the last twelve months I've hardly spoken to. Some of it was/is my doing because certain events transpired that made me realize I am probably better of without them, and some I would have preferred to see on a regular basis but they obviously didn't reciprocate.
I've been very blessed to have some very good friends nearby this past year because I've needed them. I've learned that a few good friends are priceless, and that they should be cherished and appreciated. Maybe I go overboard in my appreciation, but I want my friends to know that I have and do appreciate them for who they are and simply being there.
On the flip side, I very frequently see my friends having more fun when I'm not around. I'm sure a good chunk of it is perception because I'm only seeing pictures and hearing stories, and I don't know what how people retell stories about me, though, so I'm sure it's not as grand as it seems!
A LARGE part of it is I have responsibilities at the moment that most of my friends simply do not. I'm envious of their ability to pretty much do whatever they want whenever they want. On the plus side I'm much more financially independent than they are, at least for the time being. So after thinking it through I don't think it's as much being envious of the event as the fact that I have to be prudent and responsible. I can't go out twice in one weekend because I will be rendered nonfunctional by the time Monday rolls around. I can't get plastered for the same reason on either of those nights...bummer.
I am starting to get emotional about leaving. Up until now I haven't really felt any "pangs" but the last three or four days have been rather "pangish" and I'm only hoping it doesn't get worse! Hope springs eternal they say...so it probably will. Sheisse! I guess a small part of me worries that their friendship means more to me than vice-versa, and who the hell needs that again?
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