"Meningitis will kill you a lot quicker than ghonnorhea." Thanks...but I'll pass on both...
In reference to distinguishing N. meningitidis from N. gonnorhoeae. They cause completely different diseases (meningitis and ghonnorhea, I'll let you figure out which one does what...). And N. meningitidis ferments maltose. Think "Maltose" = "m"...profound, I know.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Total Scooby Doo "eerrghhh???" moment
"Selection bias: A questionnaire of risk factors for MI is sent out to survivors of MI --> what about those that did not survive the MI?"....Let me know how many responses from non-MI-survivors are received...
Today's rambling rant
I know I'm supposed to be learning how to care for people and all that...but sometimes I wonder if people like Jerry Sandusky should just be shot on sight...how do you rehabilitate somebody like that??? And what's even worse are the people who tried to sweep this cesspool under the rug in exchange for monetary benefit. All because of damned football. And my father wonders why sports fanatics piss me off into an unknown oblivion...
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Absolutely hysterical...but I can't remember where I stole it from
How to improve your gaydar: You walk down a busy street and look for a really hot guy walking the same direction as you .... you follow him ...( the next bit is the tricky part) instead of focussing on him , pay attention to the guys coming the other way, watch out for the ones whose eyes do a quick flick as he walks past (if they turn around for a second look as he passes all the better) try this for a few weeks and your gaydar will improve ( although you may walk into a few lampposts/rubbish bins/ sandwich boards along the way) .
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Unforgettable patient
I was doing a 12 hour shift in a South Florida ER, lucky me right? Being South Florida, and the neighborhood this hospital was located in, 99.999999999999999% of the patients were Latino, and consequently the ER functioned using Spanish, except written records. I often wonder how many times some of the nurses who spoke less-than-perfect English flubbed written instructions, but whatever.
At some point during the evening a woman arrived in the ER. I heard her before I saw her and I my head snapped around because after hours of speaking Spanish, hearing English grabbed my attention. But it wasn't just any English, nay nay. This woman talked like Larry the Cable Guy and Loretta Lynn had a red-headed bastard. The attending was perfectly bilingual, but couldn't understand a word this woman said. I, however, must claim that I understand Hick, Hillbilly, and Redneck beautifully and can transition between the three with little effort. No, I'm not overly proud of that, but hey, roots is roots y'all. My grandmother left Small Mountain Town in the late 40's, but never dropped her Hillbilly speak. For instance, "7" is pronounced "sevum," 11 becomes "elevum." Nancy becomes NAIN-cee. Jennifer becomes "GINNNNiferrrr." Michael becomes "Mahkahl." And so on and so forth. I'm not making fun of her, just stating facts. So, to make a long story short, I had little difficulty deciphering this lady's obviously mountain accent. The doctor did, however, and there are no words to describe the look of relief when I translated and then took over the interview. He also decided that the stench from her cigarettes was also more than he could bear. The remainder of the conversation went something like this:
Me: Well, ma'am, let's see what we can do for you. -- transliteration "whale maham, let's seeah whut we can do fer you." (Damn! Was that me talking just now???? STOP IT!). Apparently I speak like that around my grandmother. Oh.god.
I proceeded with my interview and examination. She quivered and giggled when I examined the LLQ and LRQ. Would anybody mind if I wretched??
PMH: A whole bunch of stuff I wish I could elaborate on...but won't because of HIPPA, and a procedure she described as..."They took out all mah toys!"...And this affects me how?....
Social: from Western part of State X where there are many mountains. Ahah!!! Paydirt!. Came to South Florida (Flerdy as she pronounced it...) to have a procedure. Had a gay roommate, not sexually active. Are the two statements mutually exclusive? Nevermind. I don't want to know. She also felt the need to tell me what her children did for a living. So, because you're dying to know: her daughter is an, ahem, exotic dancer, and bears a striking resemblance to Ann Margaret. Thanks for telling me? Doesn't drink, but smokes what she says aren't cigarettes but aren't cigars but are kinda like both of them. Thanks, that helps. She smokes them because they only cost $1/pack. Ahhh, that would explain why my eyes are watery and I'm getting a migraine. (I'm very sensitive to tobacco smoke). She also admitted to smoking a rock of crack the day before her symptoms started. Ugggh! Greeaattttttt! Lady, you've just insured you'll be here at least two extra hours. Can't wait. At the end of everything she said "I like you! You're nice and got a grayt smahl." Oh goody! Thankfully that concluded our interview....
BUT...nobody else in the ER could understand her. So guess who got tracked down if she needed something...yubba, yours truly. It would go something like this:
FOB-y Cuban nurse: Esa mujer en 9, no puedo entenderle! Habla con la puta! -- I can't understand that woman in 9. Go talk to the bitch.
Me: Uhhh, ok, algo mas? -- Um, sure, anything else?
FOB-y: No! La puta solamente!!! No! Just go talk to the bitch!
At some point during the evening a woman arrived in the ER. I heard her before I saw her and I my head snapped around because after hours of speaking Spanish, hearing English grabbed my attention. But it wasn't just any English, nay nay. This woman talked like Larry the Cable Guy and Loretta Lynn had a red-headed bastard. The attending was perfectly bilingual, but couldn't understand a word this woman said. I, however, must claim that I understand Hick, Hillbilly, and Redneck beautifully and can transition between the three with little effort. No, I'm not overly proud of that, but hey, roots is roots y'all. My grandmother left Small Mountain Town in the late 40's, but never dropped her Hillbilly speak. For instance, "7" is pronounced "sevum," 11 becomes "elevum." Nancy becomes NAIN-cee. Jennifer becomes "GINNNNiferrrr." Michael becomes "Mahkahl." And so on and so forth. I'm not making fun of her, just stating facts. So, to make a long story short, I had little difficulty deciphering this lady's obviously mountain accent. The doctor did, however, and there are no words to describe the look of relief when I translated and then took over the interview. He also decided that the stench from her cigarettes was also more than he could bear. The remainder of the conversation went something like this:
Me: Well, ma'am, let's see what we can do for you. -- transliteration "whale maham, let's seeah whut we can do fer you." (Damn! Was that me talking just now???? STOP IT!). Apparently I speak like that around my grandmother. Oh.god.
I proceeded with my interview and examination. She quivered and giggled when I examined the LLQ and LRQ. Would anybody mind if I wretched??
PMH: A whole bunch of stuff I wish I could elaborate on...but won't because of HIPPA, and a procedure she described as..."They took out all mah toys!"...And this affects me how?....
Social: from Western part of State X where there are many mountains. Ahah!!! Paydirt!. Came to South Florida (Flerdy as she pronounced it...) to have a procedure. Had a gay roommate, not sexually active. Are the two statements mutually exclusive? Nevermind. I don't want to know. She also felt the need to tell me what her children did for a living. So, because you're dying to know: her daughter is an, ahem, exotic dancer, and bears a striking resemblance to Ann Margaret. Thanks for telling me? Doesn't drink, but smokes what she says aren't cigarettes but aren't cigars but are kinda like both of them. Thanks, that helps. She smokes them because they only cost $1/pack. Ahhh, that would explain why my eyes are watery and I'm getting a migraine. (I'm very sensitive to tobacco smoke). She also admitted to smoking a rock of crack the day before her symptoms started. Ugggh! Greeaattttttt! Lady, you've just insured you'll be here at least two extra hours. Can't wait. At the end of everything she said "I like you! You're nice and got a grayt smahl." Oh goody! Thankfully that concluded our interview....
BUT...nobody else in the ER could understand her. So guess who got tracked down if she needed something...yubba, yours truly. It would go something like this:
FOB-y Cuban nurse: Esa mujer en 9, no puedo entenderle! Habla con la puta! -- I can't understand that woman in 9. Go talk to the bitch.
Me: Uhhh, ok, algo mas? -- Um, sure, anything else?
FOB-y: No! La puta solamente!!! No! Just go talk to the bitch!
The type of humor only a medical student would get
We indentured servants, er, Medical Students, over time develop our own, ahem, unique sense of humor. Some of it is derived out of necessity, because more often than not if we didn't laugh we'd be giving ourselves lobotomies. Some of it develops naturally, because who else is going to find something like the following funny:
(Playing Words with Friends, and as such using the little chat feature, when I probably should have been studying um, something).
Me: oh you needed vowels...I had four os.....(intending to type O's, but it just didn't work out that way)
Me again: and if I get even one cervix or uterus joke I will kill you...
Opponent (also a medical student): lol, hahaHa (verbatim what he said). Sidenote...why do we type lol....and then HAHAHA??? I do it myself, and ask myself why even as I type it. I still send it, though.
Click here if you need to know what an "os" is... No it's not some pretentious pronunciation of the word "ass," as my brother asked...
(Playing Words with Friends, and as such using the little chat feature, when I probably should have been studying um, something).
Me: oh you needed vowels...I had four os.....(intending to type O's, but it just didn't work out that way)
Me again: and if I get even one cervix or uterus joke I will kill you...
Opponent (also a medical student): lol, hahaHa (verbatim what he said). Sidenote...why do we type lol....and then HAHAHA??? I do it myself, and ask myself why even as I type it. I still send it, though.
Click here if you need to know what an "os" is... No it's not some pretentious pronunciation of the word "ass," as my brother asked...
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Studying Gems...
"Picture 7.3 shows a woman with a white forelock and bilateral hearing loss"...um...thanks? now I know what a deaf woman looks like...
Really bugging me that the TV series Homeland is showing it's protagonist as taking clozapine without a script...I'm pretty sure I remember a little British lady banging on about clozapine and consequential agranulocytosis for about an hour...Bad psychiatrist! Bad psychiatrist!
"people who are appropriate for using psychoanalysis and related therapies " should be among other things "intelligent and not psychotic"...are those mutually inclusive???? If so that's a very short list!
Although women attempt suicide three times as frequently as men...men are three times better at it...gotta love behavioral...
"Markers in many chromosomes including 1,2,5,6,7,8,11,13,15,17,18,19,
A: Why am I so tired? And It's only 10!!
B: our telomeres are getting shorter...
I had a dream that half of my tooth fell out, and I woke up to find it burning like it was in the dream. My own personal somatiform disorder??
Don't ever ask me "what's new"...I'm just going to tell you c/lambda
Whoever came up with words like "disinhibition" needs to be strung up by their toes...
"A 4-month old boy presents with frequent episodes of weakness, accompanied by sweating and feelings of dizziness".........I just want to know how a 4-month old feels dizzy in the first place, and then is capable of relaying that bit of information...
this conversation happened:
"Hey what are you doing?"
"I'm reading about um, lemme see what I'm reading about..."
Really bugging me that the TV series Homeland is showing it's protagonist as taking clozapine without a script...I'm pretty sure I remember a little British lady banging on about clozapine and consequential agranulocytosis for about an hour...Bad psychiatrist! Bad psychiatrist!
"people who are appropriate for using psychoanalysis and related therapies " should be among other things "intelligent and not psychotic"...are those mutually inclusive???? If so that's a very short list!
Although women attempt suicide three times as frequently as men...men are three times better at it...gotta love behavioral...
"Markers in many chromosomes including 1,2,5,6,7,8,11,13,15,17,18,19,
A: Why am I so tired? And It's only 10!!
B: our telomeres are getting shorter...
I had a dream that half of my tooth fell out, and I woke up to find it burning like it was in the dream. My own personal somatiform disorder??
Don't ever ask me "what's new"...I'm just going to tell you c/lambda
Whoever came up with words like "disinhibition" needs to be strung up by their toes...
"A 4-month old boy presents with frequent episodes of weakness, accompanied by sweating and feelings of dizziness".........I just want to know how a 4-month old feels dizzy in the first place, and then is capable of relaying that bit of information...
this conversation happened:
"Hey what are you doing?"
"I'm reading about um, lemme see what I'm reading about..."
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